Comfort

i live a wonderful life. i have a family that i absolutely adore (including extended). i work at a job doing something that interests me with a lot of freedom for exploration and learning, and it isn't too demanding on my time. i have great friends. i live in a great house in one of the best cities in the country, with weather that is just about perfect for me. i am loved by an Awesome God.

Overall, i have a very comfortable life. But what if there is something better than comfortable? It seems like i learn and grow the most when i am placed in situations that are not comfortable for me. Maybe it's getting up in front of a group of people to give a presentation. Maybe it's dealing with loss: loved one, house.... i have found that often those difficult times draw me into closer relationship with the people around me - i realize that i can't do things alone. Looking back at the events in my life, it definitely seems that those have been the most rewarding times.

Yet i continue to approach life in such a way as to maximize my current comfort level. Maybe it's partially my personality. i'm the even-keeled one, the perfectionist who doesn't like doing things that are too hard becaus i might fail, the person who magnifies risks and minimizes rewards. i tend to prefer staying at my own level of comfort/happiness/joy rather than risk the temporary hardship that may result in a higher overall level in the future. i'm a local maximizer. Actually, that might be a good way to look at it (if you're a nerd). If i'm acting as some algorithm (neural net, ...) that is trying to find a maximum, my randomization factor is pretty low. That is, the amount that i'm willing to jump away from my current local maximum is fairly small, so i end up just crawling right back to the same local maximum rather than finding another one. Occasionally, i'll take a larger jump (or be pushed), but it is fairly rare. Thankfully, i have relationships with people who are willing to give me that push once in a while. The Lord is quite willing to do that as well. (Aside: you should check out Over the Rhine. As i'm typing, a song of theirs comes up in iTunes called, appropriately, "Changes Come". Their music is beautiful, and their lyrics are top notch. Oh, and Karin Bergquist can sing, too.)

i can analyze all this to death, but will i actually do anything about it? i'm not actually sure, because i don't want to just jump for the sake of jumping. Maybe part of it is just being aware and receptive to opportunities that may stretch me, rather than dismissing them immediately. One thing i'm sure of is that i don't want to stagnate - to stop learning, growing, feeling. i don't think i've been terrible at it to this point, but i do think i could improve in stepping outside my comfort zone. We'll see what actually happens...